Astrology - Bad Marks Advice

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Astrology - Bad Marks Advice

Tagged: Darth Nirius, science, fiction

Posted in Jokes By Darth Nirius

Jan 6th 2010, 09:21

My marks in college are not good. I think my stars are not in alignment. Please advise what I should do.
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Dear retard,
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It is extremely true that there is a problem with your stars. You have shown remarkable wisdom for one so young and with such low marks in recognizing this. Luckily, we have the perfect solution for you.
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All this is happening because Shani is against you. If you do not do anything, you will have 87 years of bad luck. However, if you follow what we will tell you, you will have only 59 years of bad luck. Then you will die. So lets get started, shall we?
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The first thing to do is throw all items made of gold or any other precious metal out of your house. This should be done at the proper time, when Saturn is in the thirtieth gharaana. Since you may not know this proper time, we will help you by visiting your house when it is time to throw out your valuables, heck, we could even help you dispose of all that gold... for a small fee.
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The pole star is pointing to the north pole, which means that the numbers 3 to 9 and 0, 1 and 2 are currently unlucky for you. Hence refrain from coming into any contact with any of these numbers. If your clock, phone no, salary, credit card, etc have any one or more of these numbers on them, dispose of them. For a small fee, we can help you get rid of all of these too.
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Now you are set for the final phase. After this, you need to observe the stars to check if they are happy with you. A good way to do this is to stare at the sun for a few hours everyday at 12 noon. You might observe slight pain in the eyes during this process, but hey only the path of the yogi can lead to salvation right? Then, we will come to live in your house to appease Shani. Since you are blind, you might get the wrong notion that everything in your house is disappearing, including your most precious and valuable belongings. That's just Shani playing tricks on your mind, making you blind, but you must be kind, for your path we will find.
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Oh - we almost forgot - make sure to turn your bed so that it makes a degree of 47% with the North direction. This is extremely important to solve all your financial problems. Finally, you should paint your whole body blue and streak naked in the streets. It's the only thing you'll have the money to do once we're done with you.

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