Banned!!! - Manowar, the lamest band ever.

They are the harbingers of metal. Actually make that fashion.

Banned!!! - Manowar, the lamest band ever.

Tagged: music, world, Darth Nirius

Posted in Articles By Darth Nirius

Jan 17th 2010, 16:23

The picture above is worth a thousand words that explain why Manowar has to be banned from Lolland, but if you're the type that likes an additional thousand words of proof, here it is.  

Principle #1
We at Lolland preach a simple, honest lifestyle; truth is a guiding principle.

How Manowar violates this
Manowar stretch the truth a bit now and then. A lot, actually.

The Gods Made Heavy Metal And They Saw That It Was Good
They Said To Play It Louder Than Hell

Manowar Manowar living on the road
When we're in town speakers explode

My father was a wolf I'm a kinsman of the slain

(Manowar's version of Genesis)
In The Beginning
There Was Silence And Darkness All Across The Earth
Then Came The Wind And A Hole In The Sky
Thunder And Lightning Came Crashing Down
Hit The Earth And Split The Ground Fire Burned High In The Sky

Principle #2
Lolland advocates the pursuit of power through passive, devious means. Violence should be used to relieve stress and impress girls.  

How Manowar violates this
Manowar, in many an inflammatory lyric, advocates the pursuit of power by bloody conquest, including but not limited to rape, plunder, looting and murder.  

Hail, Hail, Hail and Kill, Hail and Kill
Hail, Hail, Hail and Kill, Hail and Kill  

May your sword stay wet like a young girl in her prime  

Principle #3
Poetry is not for everyone. Some people should best not try it.

How Manowar violates this
Manowar's poetry rhymes. Like rap. That's about it.

Into the darkness march the armies of the night.
Bound by metal we live the fight.

(oh) Glory and fame
(oh) Blood is our name

Principle #4

People should remember as to which century or planet they live in.

How Manowar violates this
Manowar alternates between the epic and the mundane with disconcerting rapidity.

Quit my job this morning said forever I would hold my head up high
Cause I need metal in my life Just like an eagle needs to fly

The man on the T.V. said we got lotsa trouble overseas
(after 2 lines)
Ride, ride, ride, I'm the WARLORD of the road, Ridin', ridin', ridin', ain't never growin' old.

Principle #5

Lolland cannot allow any band whose name alternates vowels and consonants (Okay, we made that one up to round our argument off nicely with 5 principles.)


Get our latest posts in your mail box!

Email Subscription »


Lolland on Facebook