Tennis is fixed!

Proof that the most exciting of games is choreographed

Tennis is fixed!

Tagged: sports, news, world

Posted in Articles By Darth Nirius

Feb 7th 2012, 01:41

Now that an epic Australian Open final has come and gone, one thought fills my mind. Tennis is a fixed sport.

Read on for the proof.

  1. There are too many exciting matches. Most semi-finals and almost all final matches at every Grand Slam have you on the edge of your seat. They hardly ever let you down. No other sport delivers as consistently on excitement as tennis. In the last three years, it’s seemed like Andy Murray has got to be in the final for it to end in straight sets.

    One easy explanation for this is that it’s all predetermined. And the script is good. 

  2. There are too many officials on court. According to official rules, up to 11 officials can be on court in a Grand Slam match. You have line umpires who take a call on close shots - who better to tip the scales in favour of the person fixed to win? And when you have a chair umpire shouting all the time, who would notice if (s)he slipped some instructions in between the ‘Fault!’s?

    Probably John McEnroe was the first honest person in the sport; this explains why he was always fighting with officials. He knew that tennis was becoming like the WWE, where the referee often tells the wrestlers what finish is expected. 

  3. The prizes are too high. At the Australian Open, winning a first round match would have brought you $20,000; the Djoker himself won $2 million for the final. And the prize money at ATP events keeps increasing every year. And then there are the perks - working with some of the most attractive athletes in the world, getting a lifetime supply of free tennis balls, more endorsements than you can count, playing in exotic locales... being a good tennis player is heavenly.

    There can only be one explanation for this. Clearly, the officials are behind the fixing as well, and the ‘fees’ for fixing have been included in the prize money and perks. After all, bookies go to a newspaper after a few years and tell all. 

  4. There’s too much rest time. 90 seconds between every game are set aside for a towel rub, a quick drink and the change of ends. Who knows what happens during this break every few minutes? Maybe there’s a satellite phone receiver hidden in the towel. Maybe the energy drink contains steroids for the player ‘supposed’ to win. Maybe anything.

    Imagine what Messrs. Butt, Asif and Amir could have done if there was a break between every over! 

  5. Tennis players grunt. A lot. Especially when the match gets tense. Probably there’s a grunt code. When Sharapova does her bit for noise pollution, she might be saying ‘I need to win this point after a 13 shot rally’ or ‘Let this one go, I get $1,000 for every ace.’ 

  6. It’s not hard. Roger Federer can play a shot from between his legs. Rafael Nadal has a forehand Popeye would be envious of. Novak Djokovic can beat both of them. Would it be difficult for any of them to lose a point if they wanted to, without making it obvious to the world? It’s not so easy in cricket. It’s not so easy in football - people would have asked questions of even Pele if he suddenly started scoring own goals every match. 

  7. The rules support it. Why are there sets in tennis? At Wimbledon 2009, Federer beat Roddick 3 sets to 2. However, Federer won only 38 games in the same match against Roddick’s 39. Sets are inventions of the Devil, created to increase viewer interest. I think tennis matches should be simpler - a race to win 20 games.

Comments

Get our latest posts in your mail box!

Email Subscription »

Associates

Lolland on Facebook