A World without Humour - 1

Serious analysis of crazy news article comments

A World without Humour - 1

Tagged: business, news, food

Posted in Articles By Darth Nirius

Jan 26th 2011, 09:50

Imagine that you were always serious. That you could never see humour in anything. Ever. That you analyzed everything like a textbook.

Then you might even be serious after reading comments on Indian news sites, and analyze comments like this:

(The original article)

RBI hikes key rates by 0.25%

(This is only the title, but it has everything you need to know about the article. However, informative as the article was, we will not publish it here, because the real knowledge lies in the comments as you can see below. These comments are presented verbatim from the site along with our expert analysis.)

Comment #1 : Disconnect

RBI is headed by an IIT ian.He has raised the rate so many times and we have seen no breather in inflation.Food prices have really escalated to worry the middle class seriously.The Home minister admits that there is no mechanism to control price rise.So where is governance.Are we stepping into anarchy and if so we should pray for a fascist to emerge to bail us out.The Chinese have really surpassed us in all fields.May be they will annexe us and save us !!

This is a classic example of excessive intelligence leading the writer into the trap of writing disconnected sentences. So many thoughts fill his mind that no sentence has anything to do with any other. For example, note the IITian motif introduced in the first line, and never mentioned again. True randomness (and therefore true genius) is brought in by the mention of Chinese towards the end, and the breathtaking essay ends with an aspirational prayer for salvation.

Comment #2 : Censor board

These are big c*h*u*t*y*s*. They dont understand that prices go up because of less supply and not more money

The extremely innovative censoring mechanism seen here will definitely cause a revolution in the newspaper industry - and, indeed, all media everywhere. By putting stars at random, now kids will not know whether a star represents a censored letter or not, and will never be able to figure out the curse word. One day, top cryptologists will use this to screen their messages, and no code will ever be broken again.

Comment #3 : Pessimistic Nostradamus

10 years down the road, all agricultural land is converted to real estate. So there will be no place to grow food. So people will either die of hunger in their POST 3 BHK apartments or kill each other for food. Meanwhile , all netajis, film stars and cricketers who stashed money abroad will go for extended vacations and live there happily ever after.

The writer is clearly a trained psychologist. He knows that some people must be shaken mentally after reading the initial comments. So he decides to prepare them for the worst so that they settle into an accepting state of calm fatalism. He even assures everyone that they will be living in POST 3 BHK apartments, in the last day before the apocalypse. It is not clear what POST means here, for this prophet leaves it to us to interpret it for ourselves. Kind of like Nostradamus.

Comment #4 : Hangman

Common Man effect lot of . Common man very near to hanging mood. Lets wait watch for common man hanging ??????

The writer of this comment is an enlightened being. He is not concerned with things like RBI rate increases. He has a larger problem on his mind - the fact that Death Row in India is overflowing with criminals waiting for execution, and there are not enough hangmen to hang them. He exhorts the Common Man to come forth and hang these people so that justice can be done in time.

Or perhaps it is a textual description of an RK Laxman strip in which the Common Man plays Hangman. One never knows with enlightened beings.

Comment #5 : A. Sen

10 crore acre would not sell 2 rupee cabbage,tomoto,,they need to sell at @100 rupees to sustain in market,, for capitalist

Long ago, there was a theory that Mother Earth was supreme, and that humans were evil beings who exploited Mother Earth for their own benefit. This is an illustration of that theory in two simple lines.

Land cannot sell crops by itself; land cannot travel to the market. This point is forcibly made in the passage above, where it is asserted that even 10 crore acres cannot sell 2 rupees' worth of cabbage. Only human beings (referred to as 'they') can sell cabbage and tomotoes, and they sell it at Rs. 100.

The pattern of commas is also extremely illuminating. Initially there is a single comma by itself; after that they occur in pairs. The single comma expresses the situation as it is today, where man is separate from the environment. The paired commas after that show the ideal situation, with man living in harmony with the tomoto.

Comment #6 : Gibberish

Visit: b~i~t.~l~y/g0RH2j (Remove ~)

Short and sweet, this comment at least makes sense. (However, we would recommend that you do not  visit the URL).


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