Sports Fix Weekly - 1

Guest Column! A different way to look at the sports news of the week

Sports Fix Weekly - 1

Tagged: cricket, sports, world

Posted in Articles By BigShow

Sep 24th 2010, 11:27

Credits: the Big Show (link at bottom). Specifically: NCJ and Sujay.

Et tu, Warnus?

Shane Warne recently commented that spot fixers should be permanently banned if found guilty. The spot fixing fraternity is in shock and awe after hearing these statements. They consider it a betrayal from one of their own people. Warney, did you really think giving a sneak pitch and weather preview was a harmless rehearsal for your future career as a commentator?

Give us Green!

The 2010 Commonwealth Games were touted as being the first ever Green Games (environmentally). The organizing committee is keeping at least one promise they made. The only twist is that the greenery is provided by the millions of bank notes flying around.

Infinite transfer theorem 

Man U proved their version of the infinite monkey theorem against Liverpool: if you transfer infinite players into your team every year, after a disappointing season or two, one of them will eventually score a face-saving hat-trick.

In Pakistan Cricket, officials blame you!

The officials in the PCB have created the finest collection of conspiracy theories since the JFK assassination. The underlying logic is simple: if you accuse everyone else in the world of having a hand in spot-fixing, you won't be in such a spot yourself, will you?

Hooda heck is Brad Pitt?

Randeep Hooda stars in a movie about Bhiwani - the hometown of Akhil Kumar and Vijender Singh. For the record, the statement that he is the Brad Pitt of India was made by no other than the rather interestingly named director of the movie, Tigmanshu Dhulia.

Laugh and the world laughs at you

Nicolas Anelka found it laughable that he was given an 18 match ban by the FFF. It's almost like the world is conspiring to ensure that his 'Le Sulk' moniker ends up being his lasting legacy.

Having played at 9 different clubs in the last 15 years, Anelka is giving serious thought to extending his 'Journeyman' abilities to country-hopping. He believes his fans will appreciate this. No one's sure which club or country he's referring to.

Owning Up

Joe Cole, in a strikingly honorable and hitherto unseen act of bravery, took full responsibility for missing the penalty in a recent Europa League match. This triggered a change of heart in a lot of players, with Ashish Nehra taking responsibility for introducing the world to the art of bowling attempted yorkers; Ravi Shastri admitting to having a random-quote generator 'in his artillery' which helped him go 'all guns blazing' in 'setting the stage on fire'; Rooney taking responsibility for trampling on Ronaldo and Carvalho's cajones; Ronaldo taking full responsibility for winking; Sepp Blatter admitting that he's deaf and hence didn't notice the vuvuzelas one bit; and Bellamy taking full responsibility for bringing the 'douche' to football.

Mighty neighbor news

Manchester City should feel proud of themselves - theirs is the strongest team in the Fantasy Football Premier League.

Manchester United's 'coy' approaches to Mesut Ozil and the subsequent transfer of Ozil to Real Madrid have endeared the (former) club to men studying in Indian engineering colleges. A huge majority believes that the saga is a perfect metaphor for their love lives.

Red between the lines

Fabio Capello had previously worked out that Rooney needs a minimum of 600 minutes on the field to reach his optimum performance level. In unrelated news, Sir Alex Ferguson was heard contemplating sending Rooney to Liverpool on a month-long loan.

Doctoring Victory

The Indian Cricket team's bowling attack is spearheaded by Zaheer Khan and Ashish Nehra, making their doctors the rate-determining step in India's success. The batting is hinged on Sachin Tendulkar clicking. The Indian Cricket board has stepped up its hunt for a 'genuine all-rounder'. Time seems to have stood still in Indian ODI cricket since the 2003 World Cup.

This article was written by our friends at the Big Show, our favourite sports site. This will be a weekly feature, and you can read much more interesting sports content on their site.

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