Bat Luck

Catches win matches... unless you are really really unlucky.

Bat Luck

Tagged: cricket, entertainment, Darth Nirius, fantasy

Posted in Articles By Darth Nirius

Aug 27th 2010, 01:09

Fate hates Virender Sehwag.
For those of you who don't know, he was on 99* against Sri Lanka, and India was on the verge of victory. The bowler overstepped and he hit a six. Since the no-ball had already led to India's victory, his six was not counted and he didn't get a century.
This is worse than ordinary bad luck. The only possible thing worse than this is to be selected into the Bermuda Women's National Cricket Team. This is the sort of thing that turns people atheist. Or believe that God has a cruel sense of humour. Not Lol-land, however, we think this wasn't nearly as bad as could have been; so we come up with a few scenarios that are way more ill-fated than this and promise to give any cricket fan nightmares.

1. Dada duh!!

Lets say the batsman is a former captain whose place in the team is not secure. He is left handed and cannot play the short ball on leg stump very well. We shall call him some random name, say Gourav Sanguly. He is playing in a match where he needs only a single run to be selected for the next match. The opposition knows this, and only bowls bouncers on leg stump. He survives eight overs of this in masterly fashion, without scoring a single run.

However, Gourav has come in late, and it is now the last ball of the match. He has to score a run, and becomes desperate. A short ball is bowled. He plays the best (only) hook of his career, and it seems like a certain six. Gourav runs to the middle of the pitch, and takes off his shirt because he generally does it when he is happy.
Then a bird flies down and swallows the ball. Gourav doesn't see it, and the bird flies quickly towards the crease he has just vacated. It flies into the stumps and disintegrates in a whirlwind of feathers. It didn't have time to digest the ball, so it hits the stumps and dislodges a bail. Dada's career is over (again).


2. Bolted

In some hypothetical (and unlikely) future, the West Indian cricket team has two great batsmen. When they get out, it's usually through a run-out. The team management decides to eliminate this weakness, and operates on their legs such that they cannot run, but can still bat like they did. They then fire two bowlers, and bring in two Jamaican 100m champions as runners for these batsmen.
The first match goes well; the batsmen put on a 500 run stand in 10 overs - whenever they tap the ball to extra cover, their runners run 5 runs. While chasing the ball, fielders try to kick it over the boundary line rather than concede 25 runs to the runners. The amazing West Indies chase their former glory and reach the World Cup final.
Then the runners test positive for 15 performance-enhancing drugs, and are banned forever.


3. All is Fair
Two rival countries situated next to each other are playing the World Cup final. The venue is a large stadium in one of the countries; a stadium where spectators are the red-blooded and flag-burning kind. Halfway into the second innings, it becomes clear that the home team will lose decisively. People start booing every ball and throwing bottles.

Then a news broadcast in the stadium states that the countries have just declared war on each other and are bombing the shit out of each other. The visiting team has 11 members and a 12th man. Their most deadly weapon is a bat.


4. Worst Case Scenario

It rains during the match, and they have to use the Duckworth Lewis Rule.


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