10 things Viswanathan Anand must do

How our top world champion can stop being sidelined by cricket news

10 things Viswanathan Anand must do

Tagged: sports, celebrity, india

Posted in Articles By Darth Nirius

May 13th 2010, 11:39

Viswanathan Anand just retained the World Chess Championship. After showing a brief spike of interest in our most accomplished world champion, the media has gone back to covering such critical and groundbreaking details as how IPL partying may or may not have affected the Indian cricket team's performance in the T20 World Cup.

However, there is a simple 10 point strategy he can adopt to feature as much on TV as Ravindra Jadeja (or any other cricketer). Here it is:

1. Invent the game of chess (though he will first have to time travel a bit, and kill a lot of Indian/Chinese people).

2. Undergo brain removal surgery before the next World Chess Championship Match, and still end up winning it 12-0 instead of anything like 6.5-5.5.

The two ideas above show clearly that it won't be easy to make the headlines through chess alone. Hence, the remaining eight are more diverse.

3. Have an affair with 100 girls at the same time and have his wife chasing and hitting him with chess pieces.

4. Marry a Pakistani ... or a cricketer ... better still, marry a Pakistani cricketer.

5. Use steroids to better his game.


6. Hire firang cheerleaders to perform during all chess games featuring an Indian.

7. Get Sachin to tweet about chess (the alternative - Sachin starts playing chess - is dangerous, Anand will lose even the 2 minutes of coverage he gets now).

8. Find the cure for cancer + AIDS + the common cold.

9. Take over the Bhavishyavaani team at India TV (he will only feature on one news channel, though - but he'll feature a LOT). He even looks a bit like the present incumbent, if you close your eyes.

(the easiest option) 10. Lose a chess game and blame the wild post-chess-game parties for the loss. (at least, everyone will be trying to find out what exactly happens at these parties)

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