Interview - CAT Topper

Listen to the man with 100 percentile and learn the way of the master.

Interview - CAT Topper

Tagged: news, DaveDevil, education, tech/geek, india, tests

Posted in Articles By DaveDevil

Mar 1st 2010, 00:17

Yesterday, the results of CAT 2009 were declared.

We are always amazed to see how thousands of students give it their all putting in years of study to have their future decided in less than 3 hrs. So we decided to interview the topper of this exam, Mr Sharma from Khojpur.


Q: Hello, Mr. Sharma.

A: Please sir, Im only a 43 yr old student. Just call me Ahmed, Rohan, Mohan, Rohit or Shyam.


Q: Ok Ahmed, so how do you feel to be the topper of CAT 2009?

A: Well, its all due to the grace of God. I did my hardwork and the rest is thanks to Prometric devta.


Q: Are you implying that Prometric has a hand in your percentile?

A: Not directly ofcourse. Prometric devta does not hand you the answers, he just points you to the right windows and folders, you have to open them and look for the answers yourselves.


Q: Hmm!!! Well Mohan, this was the first time CAT went computerised. Do you think that this is a good move?

A: Oh yes yes ofcourse. It is the way to go. It solves all the problems with the paper examination of the previous years. The computers do it all for you.

The centres have AC so we dont have to deal with flies and bugs, all the bugs come preloaded with the computers. Also this process will automatically weed out the computer illiterate, thus ensuring that the 50% reservation seats are filled with only the rich and urban Backward Classes thereby giving them equal opportunity against single income middle class families. The computer illiterate do not deserve to manage corporations, they are only fit to manage the country. Also there will be no more retests since there are 10 tests anyways. All they have to do now is increase the fees to take the test to Rs 15,000 and then CAT will be ready to challenge the global standards of GMAT.


Q: So how did you prepare for the new version of CAT?

A: Its a very rigorous preparation indeed. I had to practice a lot to be thorough with the basics, like how to switch on a computer. It took me weeks of practice on 50 different computers to master that. But even after all that practice, the CAT exam was so tricky when my test computer shut down it took me 30 minutes to turn it back on.


Q: Lets me get this right Rohan! You missed 30 minutes of your exam when your computer was off and still got 100 percentile. That is just amazing. How did you do that?

A: Yes, it was very difficult. I had to search through the entire My documents and My pictures folders. That took me about 1 hour. I knew I had to be closing in on the answer key doc. But then the computer shut down. After that I was just so nervous, looking for hidden folders, password protected ones, but in the end I realized the answer was floating around in various states of undress right in front of me the whole time... in the Katrina Kaif Screensaver folder. I just barely found it before the time was up. I guess I was lucky too.

I guess all my hardwork into understanding the tough details of folder options and data organization paid off. Kudos to the CAT team, they really know how to set an exam that makes you work hard on your basics. Thankfully being from Khojpur I had a natural advantage.


Q: Ahem! No comments. Lets change the subject. So Shyam, have you taken any other tests besides the CAT?

A: Yes of course. I'v also written the CUTTA (Common Useless Test for Timepass Applicants) and BAcREE (Business Applications-cum-Rollerskating Entrance Examination). Of course none of it matters anymore since I got through CAT.


Q: Interesting. So what specialization of management are you interested in?

A: I'll be building on my current strengths and will be doing Computer Management.


Q: Whats that Rohit? We've never heard of that specialization.

A: Its the latest management buzz. There is a huge demand out there for computer management, did you know that bad computer management decreases efficiency by almost 87%. And everyone faces this problem.

When was the last time you couldn't find your favourite song among thousands others? Or you have 10 minutes to find your job application resume among the 24,365 icons in your My Documents. Hasn't every teenage boy and married man in the country ever felt the need for a smart manager to make sure his browsing history never goes undeleted? Computer Management will equip me with the skills necessary to organize every computer according to any category, from the aam aadmi File/Folder Management to the custom Playlist Management. Noone will ever have to make New folders inside New Folders and autohide them to protect their personal... indiscretions. I plan to open my own startup called WipePro which will provide all these services.


Q: Thats brilliant Ghanshyam. Looks like you've got your future all planned out.

A: Please don't call me Ghanshyam. My name is Ahmed, Rohan, Mohan, Rohit or Shyam. If you can remember any of these, just say None of the Above. Do not force me to give you a negative marking on your face.


There you have it people, from this year's topper.

Once again, IIMs, the premier management institutions of the country, have 'managed' to distill the cream of the country in the most baffling way possible. Recognizing their efforts, the President will award the Convenor of CAT an award for "Miss Management of the Year", which is interesting because the convener is male. Hmm.. wonder what that means.


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