Why Tiger Why

Lend a helping hand... Save the tigers.

Why Tiger Why

Tagged: politics, news, world, Darth Nirius, india

Posted in Articles By Darth Nirius

Feb 23rd 2010, 21:00

The Tiger. The top of the food chain. The national animal of India. The graceful, fierce, powerful, the awesome tiger.

No more. What happened? When did you become the prey? Day after day, tigers are in the news. Tiger frenzy has gripped the nation and indeed the whole world. And its all bad news. And we ask, why tiger why?


Why can't you tigers screw to save to your species? There are just 1411 of you left. Our phone contact list is bigger than your population... well actually its not but you get the point. Don't you want to be there to see World War III with all the pretty nuclear fireworks? Just a few days ago, we had finally managed to convince everyone that global warming was a scam and we have nothing to worry about. And now, we have to save you. If that was not bad enough, we also have to save the whales, save water, save energy, save fossil fuels, save forests... Sorry dude, nahi ho paayega.

Solution - Simple. lets make tiger a farm animal. If you knew how many chickens and pigs are alive today, you would agree this is a great idea. Apparently tigers get on well with pigs too.  And we would rather die of cool-sounding tiger flu than bird or swine flu. Better yet, lets get tigers for pets. Then we can all keep it hamesha khulllaaaaa...


As much as we need more horny tigers, there is one Tiger who needs to ease up on the bootycalls. What were you thinking Tiger? You cheated on your wife... when your wife looks like this?











Look what you have done now. Now all the kids suddenly think golf is an amazingly glamorous game full of fame, fortune and fornication. By getting caught with your pants down, you have done more for golf than in an entire career of perfection. Now that golf has a niche scandal deserving global recognition among the match-fixings of cricket and the 'Hand of God's of football, the Olympic committee has made golf an olympic sport. Thanks Tiger for popularizing the most boring sport created by man. And by the way, that's Tiger's wife Elin and her twin sister!!! 

Solution - Most men wanted to kill Tiger Woods when he married Elin. Now the women want to kill him too for cheating on her. So what are we waiting for? Oh, you need more convincing? Well, all the sports channels and golf association CEO's have stated that golf will thrive and grow even without Tiger. Translated into English that means as soon as we kill Tiger, everything related to golf will spontaneously combust and golf will be extinct. Oh yeah!


The saffron tigers back home is no less cause for concern. They are also rapidly losing the war against insanity and ignominy. With one son forming a new party and the other with his foot in his mouth, the patriarch had to come out of retirement to give the party a new reason to break things and rob stores. Mind you, Lolland has no problems with their political strategy. Shouting strong opinions and throwing tantrums just to attract attention of the public in a misguided attempt to conquer the world is also part of the Lolland strategy.

But it seems now they have become use and throw instant-publicity-mix. If you are a limelight-hungry narcissist making a mountain of celluloid doggypoo based on a self-starring self-titled wet dream you had, just call up the tigers and they will keep it on the front page for you. Why tigers why?

Solution - You called Aamir Khan an idiot when 3 Idiots was released, called Saif a tapori when he was getting some award, abuse Australians whenever IPL is mentioned... Obviously, you guys have a talent for spotting the most worthless pieces of news and making them front page material overnight. Well given that your electoral fortunes aren't getting any better with time, we suggest you become publicity campaign managers. That way you can continue doing what you are right now, but also charge your clients for it. Earn money from home.


But thats not all that's crazy with tigers. People are becoming fans of Stripey the Cub on facebook. Farmville is introducing tigers which eat all your animals. Elsewhere the tigers in Sri Lanka were finally cornered by the army and defeated, ending their civil war. And the once-captain of the team, Sourav Ganguly - the Bengal Tiger - now only plays in the Ranji league.

This is too much for Lolland Secret Service to handle.


Something is obviously wrong. It had to be more than just coincidence that all this is happening together. And we are right, it is. Because on 14 February 2010, according to the Chinese calendar, we entered the Year of the Tiger.

Wonder if it has something to do with launch of Lolland on the same day??


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